I can't focus on anything else right now, so I figured I would blog.
Over this weekend, I had the opportunity to examine two very important women in my life; two women in whom I put a lot of trust and who I look up to very much. One of these women has told me how important she feels independence is. She said that she is perfectly ok with being alone. She knows her strengths and weaknesses and has come to the place where she doesn't feel the need to rely on anyone...she takes matters into her own hands. The other woman is almost the opposite. She is also strong and has a lot of confidence in her abilities. However, this woman relies heavily on those around her. I don't think this woman exactly relishes the idea of someday being alone, in fact, I think it scares her. She would be willing to do what she had to do, but I don't think she would be ok with it.
Until about 2 months ago, I would have stated, without hesitation, that I was Miss Independent. I am the first to admit my mindset tends towards the side of feminism...I am not hardcore or anything, but I tend to abhor conventionalism. I don't really want to fit into a mold, I like standing out and being my own person. I do enjoy being independent and I like feeling as if I am solely responsible for my decisions. I came to the realization the other day, however, that made me re-evaluate a lot of my past ways of thinking.
I wouldn't mind being able to depend on someone.
I know this may seem like a "Well Duh" moment for some of you, however this was a big thing for me. I realized that I do want the stereotypical "female things." Wife, mother, homemaker, lover, friend for life. All of these things that I have fought for so long now seem much more, well, normal. I still don't think I will ever be the conventional woman that is so desirable,  but I think that I have achieved a new level of respect for that woman.
In order to bring it all home, I revert back to my original thought. Do I want to be the woman who is ok with being alone and relies upon herself, or do I want to be the woman who relies almost entirely on those that she loves the most.
Answer: I want to be both.

SQUEALLLLLLL!

Ok, so I feel as if every time I post something it is in a time of extreme emotion. Y'all probably think I am an emotional train wreck. Actually, this is not the case. I am someone who usually bottles my emotions inside. This is my way of letting it all out without actually bombarding those around me with my shenanigans.
Anyways.
I am soo psyched right now. Last week, I was totally stressing about my job, my future, my personage, basically everything. Now, I am starting to see things come together. I know that God has everything under control, and I know this because day by day He reveals His awesome plans to me. Not too much mind you, just enough to make me excited.
I am (probably) getting another job. I still have to go through the logistics, but I think I am gonna get this one! No more retail! No more headaches! New adventures here I come!
In other news, I have re-ignited my love with Coffee Mate coffee creamers *sigh* why did I ever stray?

*Jumps up an down and pumps fists in the air*
YIPPIE!!!!!!!