Well, I have been meaning to update, but as usual I procrastinate on most things that need to be done.
I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. (Insert Lafoo and Gaston dialogue here) While the thoughts have mostly been of an exciting nature, in every lump of excitement there is a snippet of dread. I think most of the dread stems from Fear. Fear of the unknown, Fear of making the wrong decision, Fear of hurting people's feelings, the list could go on.
I hate that. I hate that so many of my decisions have a niggling feeling of fear behind them. I really am not a fearful person. In fact most people would probably not describe me as such, but I know the truth. For years I was guided by fear and worry. It ruled me and it owned me. Now, I broke a lot of that off a long time ago, but unfortunately it still comes back to bite me in the butt every now and then. The sad thing is, I have become so accustomed to not dealing with fear and worry that whenever it plagues me, I usually get ridiculous headaches...which sounds weird but is completely legitimate.
Anyways, the thing I have been thinking about lately is my move. Yes, I said move. I know I have talked about it before but I am actually making it reality this time. I love Texas, I really do. It will be hard to leave all my new friends, but I realize now what a good thing I had. It was staring me in the face for so long that I started to take it for granted. I am moving back to Pennsylvania to fulfill my destiny. It feels kinda good to say it. Almost as if this little blog is some sort of forum for public declaration. Hardly, but that is what it feels like.
Isn't it weird where Life takes us? About 2 years ago I had a whole future planned out for myself, and now I realize it's going to be different than I planned. That's happened to me before, and I'm sure it will happen again. I'm not to keen on major directional shifts...much in the same way that most people aren't keen on the foundations of their houses being jolted about by an earthquake. However, these things happen. You take the good and the bad together and you can choose to focus on the good.
My mom used to say "You've got the same pants to get glad in as you got mad in." I realize now how true this really is. Thanks Mom :)
I don't really know what the point of this post was. Probably just to get stuff off my chest. That is what most of this blog has been now that I think about it. But it feels nice knowing that my feelings are out there.
Well, I am going to return to my glass of Shiraz and trying to get rid of this dreadful tension headache. Hopefully your Tuesday is going a little better.
Until Next Time.
