I can't focus on anything else right now, so I figured I would blog.
Over this weekend, I had the opportunity to examine two very important women in my life; two women in whom I put a lot of trust and who I look up to very much. One of these women has told me how important she feels independence is. She said that she is perfectly ok with being alone. She knows her strengths and weaknesses and has come to the place where she doesn't feel the need to rely on anyone...she takes matters into her own hands. The other woman is almost the opposite. She is also strong and has a lot of confidence in her abilities. However, this woman relies heavily on those around her. I don't think this woman exactly relishes the idea of someday being alone, in fact, I think it scares her. She would be willing to do what she had to do, but I don't think she would be ok with it.
Until about 2 months ago, I would have stated, without hesitation, that I was Miss Independent. I am the first to admit my mindset tends towards the side of feminism...I am not hardcore or anything, but I tend to abhor conventionalism. I don't really want to fit into a mold, I like standing out and being my own person. I do enjoy being independent and I like feeling as if I am solely responsible for my decisions. I came to the realization the other day, however, that made me re-evaluate a lot of my past ways of thinking.
I wouldn't mind being able to depend on someone.
I know this may seem like a "Well Duh" moment for some of you, however this was a big thing for me. I realized that I do want the stereotypical "female things." Wife, mother, homemaker, lover, friend for life. All of these things that I have fought for so long now seem much more, well, normal. I still don't think I will ever be the conventional woman that is so desirable,  but I think that I have achieved a new level of respect for that woman.
In order to bring it all home, I revert back to my original thought. Do I want to be the woman who is ok with being alone and relies upon herself, or do I want to be the woman who relies almost entirely on those that she loves the most.
Answer: I want to be both.

SQUEALLLLLLL!

Ok, so I feel as if every time I post something it is in a time of extreme emotion. Y'all probably think I am an emotional train wreck. Actually, this is not the case. I am someone who usually bottles my emotions inside. This is my way of letting it all out without actually bombarding those around me with my shenanigans.
Anyways.
I am soo psyched right now. Last week, I was totally stressing about my job, my future, my personage, basically everything. Now, I am starting to see things come together. I know that God has everything under control, and I know this because day by day He reveals His awesome plans to me. Not too much mind you, just enough to make me excited.
I am (probably) getting another job. I still have to go through the logistics, but I think I am gonna get this one! No more retail! No more headaches! New adventures here I come!
In other news, I have re-ignited my love with Coffee Mate coffee creamers *sigh* why did I ever stray?

*Jumps up an down and pumps fists in the air*
YIPPIE!!!!!!!

Why, why, why?

There is no point to this post. Literally, none whatsoever. I think that I am just tired. Physically and emotionally. I want to be somewhere in the future, but I know deep down that these steps I am taking now are crucial in order for me to achieve those goals. I just don't like waiting, those of you who know me should know that.
I think I just need a hug....or a stiff drink, I can't decide which would be better right now :)
I will keep going, I will make it through tomorrow, I will have an amazing future. I know all of these things, I just don't like the rocky nature of the path that I am traveling right now.

I think I shall credit my discontent to my lack of sleep. I think a bubble bath will make this crap go away. I shall try and melt away the stress of the day with lavender and ylang ylang.


Perhaps a hug AND a stiff drink.

Holidays bring out the sap in me

Legitimately they do. Babies are way cuter this time of year, and I always get a little teary-eyed on the Christmas morning commercials...even if they are for Kay Jewelers. Yes, I am a girl and I know that this fits into the stereotypical "girl mold" but I can't deny my emotions on this one :)

So in other news, I'm pretty sure I've made up my mind about location...I'm not ready to leave yet. I feel like there is so much I have left to do and I don't want to leave before I've had the chance to do them. I think my problem is that I try waaay too hard to plan out my life. I am going to adopt a surfer's mentality from here on it. Just take what comes and ride the wave all the way to the shore. It's all good baby.
Happy Thanksgiving! Go eat some turkey. Or, if you're a veg-head like me you can have some of everything else that doesn't include flesh. Or be really smart and eat some of everything. (Can you tell I'm already hungry?)
PS: I am in serious need of a hardcore roadtrip, so if any of you blokes have any ideas you should hit me up with those :)

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

I am heralding in the Season. The time has come, we have made it safely through last year's festivities and they have come back to brighten our doorstep once more. That's right, it's the Holiday Season once again. I find myself getting extraordinarily excited about life this time of year. The days are getting colder which offers many perfect snuggle opportunities, people you see are usually happy about one thing or another, and the amount of glitter and sparkle that is in every product is enough to start a glitter factory. I love it...I legitimately love everything about this season.
Something that I have realized this year; I really do appreciate all that my parents did to create a sense of magic throughout the Holiday season.
When I was a kid, I had the parents who went all out so that the season literally seemed magical. The Christmas "secrets" started well before Halloween, we have the super fun tree picking out/ decorating ritual that lasts well into the night, and we always drove around and judged which house lights were the best and which were too tacky to make it on the list. My dad pulls the whiny bit about putting up the lights every year, he is the only guy after all, and every year my mom plays the Martha Stewart card and decides what theme our tree is going to have. We, naturally, have to coordinate our wrapping paper to our tree's theme also...Heaven forbid they be mismatched ;)
I think I find myself thinking about all of this now cause I won't be with my mom and dad this Thanksgiving. Although this may not seem like a big deal to some of y'all, but it is my first time ever....In growing up, I appreciate all that my parents did to make each day of this season so special. I think it goes to show how much of an effect our parents have on the way we think and what matters to us.
Something to think about I guess. I will contemplate it  over a nice frosty glass of Silk Pumpkin Spice :)

Badum-Ching

I am soooo ridiculously hyper right now and the only thing I can think to do is blog about random life tidbits.....
I am going to NYC next weekend, not to mention the fact that I am headed to Dallas tomorrow for a weekend of shopping and spa goodness. Gosh I love my birthday!

Anyhoo, so New York and I are going to have a delightful time. In the midst of the planning process, I realized just how much of a nerd I am. I am going to the Met, the NY Public Library, and vintage shopping.....Who does that? I am ridiculously excited about going and seeing a bunch of old manuscripts.

Sidenote: I have fallen back in love with tea...particularly chai.

Ok, the random spurt of genius has stopped. I am off to bed

Life

Don't you just love life?
This time of year I can't stop dancing. I have a constant rhythm in my head and it inspires me to move. I can be walking down the street and all of the sudden I will burst into a random jig. Don't be alarmed pedestrians, I am not crazy...well not entirely at any rate :)

I had a thought the other day, it might have possibly occurred when I was doing the aforementioned jigs, I never really grew up.
Yes it's true, I have the body of a 21 year old and the vocabulary of a lady from the 1800's, yet I have the attitude of a 8 year old. I am happy about everything. I love the simplest of things...not even kidding, I get the biggest kick out of bubbles, sparkly things, and any type of fun dessert. I actually like this about myself, I think it has enabled me to come at situations from a positive angle when nobody else can. Recently, however, I think I have discovered a downside to this frame of mind. I find that I am a little naive when it comes to certain things. I always picture happy endings on every type of situation, and when it doesn't happen I get my hopes crushed. I tend to think the absolute best of everyone. I don't get suspicious of people, and because of this I can sometimes get taken advantage of. I don't really know where I stand on this whole thing. Growing up my mom always used to tell me that keeping your heart and emotions tender and "vulnerable" was a good thing. She used to say that it would make you more perceptive and sensitive to others. On the other hand, how much heartbreak can one person take? Honestly, I'm a little tired of being walked all over.