Much Needed

Well, I have been meaning to update, but as usual I procrastinate on most things that need to be done.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. (Insert Lafoo and Gaston dialogue here) While the thoughts have mostly been of an exciting nature, in every lump of excitement there is a snippet of dread. I think most of the dread stems from Fear. Fear of the unknown, Fear of making the wrong decision, Fear of hurting people's feelings, the list could go on.

 I hate that. I hate that so many of my decisions have a niggling feeling of fear behind them. I really am not a fearful person. In fact most people would probably not describe me as such, but I know the truth.  For years I was guided by fear and worry. It ruled me and it owned me. Now, I broke a lot of that off a long time ago, but unfortunately it still comes back to bite me in the butt every now and then. The sad thing is, I have become so accustomed to not dealing with fear and worry that whenever it plagues me, I usually get ridiculous headaches...which sounds weird but is completely legitimate.

Anyways, the thing I have been thinking about lately is my move. Yes, I said move. I know I have talked about it before but I am actually making it reality this time. I love Texas, I really do. It will be hard to leave all my new friends, but I realize now what a good thing I had. It was staring me in the face for so long that I started to take it for granted. I am moving back to Pennsylvania to fulfill my destiny. It feels kinda good to say it. Almost as if this little blog is some sort of forum for public declaration. Hardly, but that is what it feels like.

Isn't it weird where Life takes us? About 2 years ago I had a whole future planned out for myself, and now I realize it's going to be different than I planned. That's happened to me before, and I'm sure it will happen again. I'm not to keen on major directional shifts...much in the same way that most people aren't keen on the foundations of their houses being jolted about by an earthquake. However, these things happen. You take the good and the bad together and you can choose to focus on the good.

My mom used to say "You've got the same pants to get glad in as you got mad in." I realize now how true this really is. Thanks Mom :)

I don't really know what the point of this post was. Probably just to get stuff off my chest. That is what most of this blog has been now that I think about it. But it feels nice knowing that my feelings are out there.

Well, I am going to return to my glass of Shiraz and trying to get rid of this dreadful tension headache. Hopefully your Tuesday is going a little better.
Until Next Time.

Vlog

Sooo I tried to edit this, but obviously it didn't work...so excuse the weirdness moments. You will know them when you see them :D Annnd obviously I don't know how to choose thumbnails for my videos. Ah well. Enjoy :D

Life

Life is Precious.
This is a lesson that I seem to be learning the hard way.
*Grandparents in the hospital
*Young People dying.
*Missing out on the everyday of my little sister's lives
* Best friends getting engaged and married and I feel like I am missing it.
My mind is basically on overdrive right now so I'm sure I am not making sense, but I realize, as John Lennon so eloquently put it, "Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans." I think I realized this a lot over the past year. Just because I am not witnessing events, doesn't mean that they are not happening all around me. I think that it has hit me most when I go back to my Mum and Dad's house and see how much my baby sisters are growing up, or how successful my parents are now. My friends are getting married, traveling the country, or going off to even higher education. I know that we are NEVER supposed to compare our lives with others, but part of me wonders...Am I doing something wrong? What do people think when they see me after a long time? Do they notice a change? I guess I feel like I am stuck in a time capsule and am every now and then glimpsing the time passing by seeing what others around me are doing.
This seems like a pointless waste of breath, but I really do feel this way.
Should I be doing something different?
I just want to embrace the people that I love and never let them go. You never know how long that you will be able to do this.
For some reason my naturally humorous way of thinking is failing me today and I can only see the gravity of life...it's not really a normal feeling for me.
Don't be surprised if I give all of you a HUGE hug next time I see you.

Hey Look! It's a vLoG!

Sorry about the quality, but basically I just felt like talking :D

Procrastination guides me to success...

I have gotten to the point in my life where the first thing I think when I wake up is "Coffee" followed closely by "Do I have time to press the Snooze Button?" Seriously. I used to think about food when I rolled out of bed, but I now can only think of my legal addictive stimulant, aka caffeine, to jolt me into my morning cognizance.

I really should be finishing up my final project right now, but as you probably gathered from the title, I have chosen to blog instead. Fun Fact: Did you know that I actually went to blog three or four days ago but Blogger as a whole was down. Now that I think about it, that wasn't really a fun fact.

I did more this weekend than I have in a long time. I:
*Stayed out until the wee hours of the morning three nights in a row.
* Went to a HUGGGEE party
*Flew in a private/small 1940's style airplane. (Totally crossed something off my non-physical bucket list. :)
* Had a drunk conspiracy theorist crash our group at a bar. (Ok, it was Appleby's, but we were in the bar section...)
*Tried a Martini for the first time (Thanks Nigel!) and discovered that it really is as gross as it sounds.
* I busted out my creative hat and actually made something that I was kinda proud of.
*Caught up with waaayy old friends and met some new ones.
*Reached a new level of understanding about the person that I am and how I tick.
Seriously. It was amazing.

Another thing I also realized this weekend was how many movies I have watched since moving to TX. I very much know what I like, and I tend to stick to those types of movies. However, since moving to this itty bitty town I now call home, I have taken up with a group of guys who, let's face it, don't like chick flicks...as is the case with most guys out there now that I think about it. ANYWAYS, I have watched the weirdest conglomeration  of sci-fi, suspense, superhero crazyness. It's definitely stretched my movie repertoire, but I somehow feel like I should be allowed to sneak a Jane Austen flick in the mix. Too much? I don't think so.

I'm writing about Health Care for this final project, I really don't want to work on this anymore. I suppose I should be happy that I am done in 4 days and then I will officially be a Senior in College...Whew, that's a whole other post right there.

Ok, enough procrastination. If you made it to the end of this blog you either:
A) Have way too much time on your hands.
B) Really love me
C) Have the same sporadic way of thinking that I do.
*If your answer is C, we need to hang out. Actually, I would be willing to hang out with you if your answer was any of the above...just saying :)

Like A Butterfly...

While this is a slightly depressing song, the chorus keeps popping into my head. Confession: I love Corinne Bailey Rae....she has the most mellow and soulful sound. Her voice has this syrupy sweetness that reminds me of sweet tea in the summer. Is that weird?

The other day someone told me that they thought I must have been a butterfly in a past life. I don't know if they meant this in a positive way or not, but that was the best compliment they could have possibly given me EVER. If you know me at all, you know that I have a tendency to be all over the place. I "flit" around like I don't have a care in the world, which isn't true...but I do think I give off this vibe. That being said, when I think of butterflies, I think of vibrant creatures that flutter about and bring joy. Think about it, as a kid the top two insects that you never kill or freak out about were butterflies or ladybugs. They were sweet insects that were more of a pleasure to see than a displeasure.

Also, when I think of butterflies I think of pollination. To me, this is a form of life-giving. Butterflies help keep things going. Their flitting about is helping the flowers keep growing. Butterflies bring joy, butterflies give life, butterflies are a symbol of freedom.

Now, when you really think about it, butterflies did not get to this place without working for it. They start out as caterpillars and have to work hard at becoming a butterfly. They literally trudge through life for awhile until the appropriate time comes when they have to work really hard to make their little cocoons. Then they have to wait....and wait....and wait.  They know the good things are coming, but they also know that they have to work hard in order to get there.

So, to recap
*Butterflies are carefree and bright
*Butterflies give life
*Butterflies bring joy
*Butterflies understand that a good thing is worth waiting for
*Butterflies are willing to work hard for that good thing.

Yeah, I think it's safe to say that I like being compared to a butterfly :)

Wouldn't It Be Nice

If we were older
Then we wouldn't have to wait so long.
Wouldn't it be nice to live together
In the kind of world where we belong.

You know it's gonna make it that much better
When we can say goodnight and staaaay together.

Oh wouldn't it be nice.

This song has been stuck in my head for about a week now. Spring/Summer warmer weather makes me think of The Beach Boys, and therefore their songs are constantly stuck in my head and in my heart.


I have recently fallen in love with the idea of love. A long time ago I had this epiphany about what love really is. I wish that I had my journal right in front of me so I can re-read what I wrote. I think what I have fallen in love with is the realization that we were put on this earth to love others. We are here so that we can share the love that God spews forth on us with each and every person that we come in contact with. That is our calling. Now, I think we all do this is different ways, but overall I know that the foundation of each and every one of us is love. We were created because of love, we all desire and need love to survive. Songs are written about it, poets praise it's beautiful mysteries and elegant simplicity.
When I die, the only thing I really want people to remember about me is that I loved. I want to be able to view others the way God sees them, as an individual beautiful creation with loads of potential. I want to rid my life of that ugly judgmental mentality that often creeps into my thoughts. I just want to allow my thoughts to be permeated with pure, unadulterated love. Is that so wrong?


I know this is no easy task, particularly in the World that we live in. But I'm fairly certain I want to attempt in. In fact, I want it to be my life goal.


I also had forgotten how much I love dancing in a public forum. The look of shock on people's faces when I randomly bust out the moves in the middle of a restaurant is well worth any slight sense of embarrassment that I might have had....Pshaw, who am I kidding? I totally was NOT embarrassed.


:)