It's VLOGGGGG time :)

Here is my first vlog evahhh!
What do you guys think? Should I do more? I kinda like it, not gonna lie :)

Random Life Musings

Ok,  so lately my mind has been running on overdrive. I have yet to decide if this is a good thing or a bad thing :-S
First, I have noticed that my life has become a bit routine as of late, particularly with this new job. I find myself getting up at the same time, doing yoga at the same time, eating something similar for breakfast every day, etc, etc.
Why does this bug me? Most people find routines a comforting factor in their lives, while I tend to begrudge it's existence. 
It has come to the point where I have a desire to write down a bunch of random activities, place them in a hat, and draw one each day so as not to get bogged down by monotony. Is this feasible? Most likely no, but a splendid idea nonetheless.
I think I have a restless personality and this is why things like this are bugging me. I also have been thinking a lot about my future lately, so that is probably a key factor as well. I only have about a year or so left of school so the reality of life is setting in and I am having to do some major evaluating/planning. 
Perhaps my desire to branch out is based in the uncertainty I feel about the unknown. I don't want to become a robot for the remainder of my life. I would really rather keep my love of life and spontaneity intact thank you very much!  Will that be a possibility?  Perhaps not on the same level as packing up on a "whim" and moving half-way across the country, but I am fairly certain I can make my day to day fun and not mundane.
But how.......

New Year, New Me?

Well, this is it folks. It's the time of year where everybody reflects on their lives so far. People look at how they have changed over the course of the past 365 days, and they figure out a way that they can make the next 365 even better. I hear things like "I am going to get in shape," " I am going to spend more time with my family," "I am going to eat better," "I am going to read the Bible cover to cover," etc, etc, etc. Every time New Year's Eve rolls around, I find myself thinking about these things.  Ultimately, I have come to the conclusion that people have a desire to better themselves.  They want to make this year even stronger by changing something about themselves that they don't like or don't feel is up to par. For some reason, this idea gave me pause. Don't get me wrong, I am all about New Year's Resolutions, and I applaud all of those who are determined to make positive changes in their lives.  However, I realize that for me personally, this is the opposite of what I want to do this year.
I tend to be overly critical of myself. I am one of those people who find flaws in almost everything I do. This year, I want to embrace myself for who I am. I want to appreciate my "vices" such as my obsession with dried fruit and coffee. I want to learn to love the way I view life, I want to appreciate the talents that I have instead of trying to cultivate new ones that aren't necessarily what I am good at. I want to learn to be the best "me" that I can be....
Perhaps this was a pointless post, but it was something that really struck me as an important concept, so I decided to share.

I can't focus on anything else right now, so I figured I would blog.
Over this weekend, I had the opportunity to examine two very important women in my life; two women in whom I put a lot of trust and who I look up to very much. One of these women has told me how important she feels independence is. She said that she is perfectly ok with being alone. She knows her strengths and weaknesses and has come to the place where she doesn't feel the need to rely on anyone...she takes matters into her own hands. The other woman is almost the opposite. She is also strong and has a lot of confidence in her abilities. However, this woman relies heavily on those around her. I don't think this woman exactly relishes the idea of someday being alone, in fact, I think it scares her. She would be willing to do what she had to do, but I don't think she would be ok with it.
Until about 2 months ago, I would have stated, without hesitation, that I was Miss Independent. I am the first to admit my mindset tends towards the side of feminism...I am not hardcore or anything, but I tend to abhor conventionalism. I don't really want to fit into a mold, I like standing out and being my own person. I do enjoy being independent and I like feeling as if I am solely responsible for my decisions. I came to the realization the other day, however, that made me re-evaluate a lot of my past ways of thinking.
I wouldn't mind being able to depend on someone.
I know this may seem like a "Well Duh" moment for some of you, however this was a big thing for me. I realized that I do want the stereotypical "female things." Wife, mother, homemaker, lover, friend for life. All of these things that I have fought for so long now seem much more, well, normal. I still don't think I will ever be the conventional woman that is so desirable,  but I think that I have achieved a new level of respect for that woman.
In order to bring it all home, I revert back to my original thought. Do I want to be the woman who is ok with being alone and relies upon herself, or do I want to be the woman who relies almost entirely on those that she loves the most.
Answer: I want to be both.

SQUEALLLLLLL!

Ok, so I feel as if every time I post something it is in a time of extreme emotion. Y'all probably think I am an emotional train wreck. Actually, this is not the case. I am someone who usually bottles my emotions inside. This is my way of letting it all out without actually bombarding those around me with my shenanigans.
Anyways.
I am soo psyched right now. Last week, I was totally stressing about my job, my future, my personage, basically everything. Now, I am starting to see things come together. I know that God has everything under control, and I know this because day by day He reveals His awesome plans to me. Not too much mind you, just enough to make me excited.
I am (probably) getting another job. I still have to go through the logistics, but I think I am gonna get this one! No more retail! No more headaches! New adventures here I come!
In other news, I have re-ignited my love with Coffee Mate coffee creamers *sigh* why did I ever stray?

*Jumps up an down and pumps fists in the air*
YIPPIE!!!!!!!

Why, why, why?

There is no point to this post. Literally, none whatsoever. I think that I am just tired. Physically and emotionally. I want to be somewhere in the future, but I know deep down that these steps I am taking now are crucial in order for me to achieve those goals. I just don't like waiting, those of you who know me should know that.
I think I just need a hug....or a stiff drink, I can't decide which would be better right now :)
I will keep going, I will make it through tomorrow, I will have an amazing future. I know all of these things, I just don't like the rocky nature of the path that I am traveling right now.

I think I shall credit my discontent to my lack of sleep. I think a bubble bath will make this crap go away. I shall try and melt away the stress of the day with lavender and ylang ylang.


Perhaps a hug AND a stiff drink.

Holidays bring out the sap in me

Legitimately they do. Babies are way cuter this time of year, and I always get a little teary-eyed on the Christmas morning commercials...even if they are for Kay Jewelers. Yes, I am a girl and I know that this fits into the stereotypical "girl mold" but I can't deny my emotions on this one :)

So in other news, I'm pretty sure I've made up my mind about location...I'm not ready to leave yet. I feel like there is so much I have left to do and I don't want to leave before I've had the chance to do them. I think my problem is that I try waaay too hard to plan out my life. I am going to adopt a surfer's mentality from here on it. Just take what comes and ride the wave all the way to the shore. It's all good baby.
Happy Thanksgiving! Go eat some turkey. Or, if you're a veg-head like me you can have some of everything else that doesn't include flesh. Or be really smart and eat some of everything. (Can you tell I'm already hungry?)
PS: I am in serious need of a hardcore roadtrip, so if any of you blokes have any ideas you should hit me up with those :)