There are days where I feel like doing nothing but drinking coffee; cup after cup after cup. Why is this?
Today is one of those days. I am now, at 9:30 in the morning, on my third cup. Sometimes I think I drink out of sheer boredom, there is something about having a cup of coffee in your hands that automatically makes you feel slightly special. Other times I think I drink it because it inspires me and propels me forward. Now, I am sure most of these notions are in my head, but then again who is to say that coffee does not actually have the power to do all of these things, I most certainly am not about to argue it's mystical awesome-ness. I will merely revel in the aftermath.
Today is Tuesday, and by my own definition it is my designated school assignment day. I am completely lacking in motivation, however, and find myself dreaming of going outside, swinging at the playground, and going out to lunch with a handsome stranger who happens to know everything about Italy and can spend hours enchanting me with his fanciful re-tellings. Alas, I know that this will not happen today.
Or will it?
I ran over a skunk last night, and now my car reeks. But of course being me, I didn't kill it. Oh no, I drove directly over top of this skunk to avoid brutally murdering the thing, and as a result got the full brunt of it's wrath on the under carriage of my vehicle. Now, I have to go and get my car washed. Something that I don't relish, seeing as how that will mean I have to get inside the car to drive it to town to clean it and right now it smells like Satan's armpit. Oi vey, why do I get myself into these types of situations?
I found my dream job yesterday on Craig's List, and they are hiring. It is in San Francisco though, and I don't know how I feel about that. There are a lot of things in my life right now that I am holding out for. Does a major move fit into my plans? Can I stand rejection from such a job that I realize would be absolutely perfect for me? Dare I apply without some sort of moving plan? It scares me to think I could make one false move and totally screw up my life forever....or maybe it doesn't happen like that. Maybe we have a lot of different paths that we have the option of taking. All of them will lead to the the same ultimate goal, but each one has it's own set of twists and hardships coupled with the perks. Something to lose sleep over I guess.
I really don't know if there was a point to this blog, but I needed to get some stuff off my mind, and what better way then to aimlessly send it off into cyber space?
Adieu for now...I obviously have way too much on my mind to continue in this fashion.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Perhaps I'm not the only one.
Ok, so this may seem silly, but I put a lot of stock in music. God has spoken to me through songs more times than I could possibly count. When I was trying to decide if I wanted to move to TX, He spoke to me in song. When I was figuring out how I was going to handle my college situation, a song came on the radio that spoke to me in such a way that I was able to move forward in my decision making process. I think that God has the ability, and the sense of humor, to speak to each person right where they are sitting at any given time. He knows what will speak to us the most effectively and He knows how to get His point across. For me, it just so happens that this often takes place when I am blaring my stereo as I drive on one of my 40 minute stints to and from my various jobs. I love that He gets me and the way I think....that is not always an easy task.
Anyways, I have heard the song "You Can't Hurry Love" on the radio at least 4 times in the past week alone, as if that wasn't enough, yesterday it was directly preceded by the song "Love Isn't Always On Time." Ok God, I get the picture :)
In all seriousness though, I have been feeling my age lately. True, I am only 21 and I'm probably considered in my prime, but I guess I am feeling the reality of the fact that I am in my 20's. I guess I'm silly, but unlike a lot of people, I always considered my teens to be my teen years to be the crazy ones, my 20's to be the career/finding my niche years etc etc. Seeing as how my 20's are officially under way...I guess I find myself wondering if I have found my niche. I used to tell my friends that I was going to get married by the time I was 25 and no later. Now I realize that A) It is completely ridiculous to put time limits on things like that and B) 3 1/2 years is really not a long time. I guess I just think too much for my own good. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that is what it is.
In other news, I have realized that the 90's weren't the worst decade for fashion...this allows me to transition to the other realization that I have had. I have gone far too long without going thrifting and currently vintage clothes have about the same appeal level as Mr Darcy...which is really saying something if you know me.
Ok, that is enough . I will say goodbye for now. Thanks for falling victim to my "I'm stuck inside all day due to snow and I have nothing else to do" spiel.
Anyways, I have heard the song "You Can't Hurry Love" on the radio at least 4 times in the past week alone, as if that wasn't enough, yesterday it was directly preceded by the song "Love Isn't Always On Time." Ok God, I get the picture :)
In all seriousness though, I have been feeling my age lately. True, I am only 21 and I'm probably considered in my prime, but I guess I am feeling the reality of the fact that I am in my 20's. I guess I'm silly, but unlike a lot of people, I always considered my teens to be my teen years to be the crazy ones, my 20's to be the career/finding my niche years etc etc. Seeing as how my 20's are officially under way...I guess I find myself wondering if I have found my niche. I used to tell my friends that I was going to get married by the time I was 25 and no later. Now I realize that A) It is completely ridiculous to put time limits on things like that and B) 3 1/2 years is really not a long time. I guess I just think too much for my own good. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that is what it is.
In other news, I have realized that the 90's weren't the worst decade for fashion...this allows me to transition to the other realization that I have had. I have gone far too long without going thrifting and currently vintage clothes have about the same appeal level as Mr Darcy...which is really saying something if you know me.
Ok, that is enough . I will say goodbye for now. Thanks for falling victim to my "I'm stuck inside all day due to snow and I have nothing else to do" spiel.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
It's VLOGGGGG time :)
Here is my first vlog evahhh!
What do you guys think? Should I do more? I kinda like it, not gonna lie :)
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Random Life Musings
Ok, so lately my mind has been running on overdrive. I have yet to decide if this is a good thing or a bad thing :-S
First, I have noticed that my life has become a bit routine as of late, particularly with this new job. I find myself getting up at the same time, doing yoga at the same time, eating something similar for breakfast every day, etc, etc.
Why does this bug me? Most people find routines a comforting factor in their lives, while I tend to begrudge it's existence.
It has come to the point where I have a desire to write down a bunch of random activities, place them in a hat, and draw one each day so as not to get bogged down by monotony. Is this feasible? Most likely no, but a splendid idea nonetheless.
I think I have a restless personality and this is why things like this are bugging me. I also have been thinking a lot about my future lately, so that is probably a key factor as well. I only have about a year or so left of school so the reality of life is setting in and I am having to do some major evaluating/planning.
Perhaps my desire to branch out is based in the uncertainty I feel about the unknown. I don't want to become a robot for the remainder of my life. I would really rather keep my love of life and spontaneity intact thank you very much! Will that be a possibility? Perhaps not on the same level as packing up on a "whim" and moving half-way across the country, but I am fairly certain I can make my day to day fun and not mundane.
But how.......
First, I have noticed that my life has become a bit routine as of late, particularly with this new job. I find myself getting up at the same time, doing yoga at the same time, eating something similar for breakfast every day, etc, etc.
Why does this bug me? Most people find routines a comforting factor in their lives, while I tend to begrudge it's existence.
It has come to the point where I have a desire to write down a bunch of random activities, place them in a hat, and draw one each day so as not to get bogged down by monotony. Is this feasible? Most likely no, but a splendid idea nonetheless.
I think I have a restless personality and this is why things like this are bugging me. I also have been thinking a lot about my future lately, so that is probably a key factor as well. I only have about a year or so left of school so the reality of life is setting in and I am having to do some major evaluating/planning.
Perhaps my desire to branch out is based in the uncertainty I feel about the unknown. I don't want to become a robot for the remainder of my life. I would really rather keep my love of life and spontaneity intact thank you very much! Will that be a possibility? Perhaps not on the same level as packing up on a "whim" and moving half-way across the country, but I am fairly certain I can make my day to day fun and not mundane.
But how.......
Monday, January 3, 2011
New Year, New Me?
Well, this is it folks. It's the time of year where everybody reflects on their lives so far. People look at how they have changed over the course of the past 365 days, and they figure out a way that they can make the next 365 even better. I hear things like "I am going to get in shape," " I am going to spend more time with my family," "I am going to eat better," "I am going to read the Bible cover to cover," etc, etc, etc. Every time New Year's Eve rolls around, I find myself thinking about these things. Ultimately, I have come to the conclusion that people have a desire to better themselves. They want to make this year even stronger by changing something about themselves that they don't like or don't feel is up to par. For some reason, this idea gave me pause. Don't get me wrong, I am all about New Year's Resolutions, and I applaud all of those who are determined to make positive changes in their lives. However, I realize that for me personally, this is the opposite of what I want to do this year.
I tend to be overly critical of myself. I am one of those people who find flaws in almost everything I do. This year, I want to embrace myself for who I am. I want to appreciate my "vices" such as my obsession with dried fruit and coffee. I want to learn to love the way I view life, I want to appreciate the talents that I have instead of trying to cultivate new ones that aren't necessarily what I am good at. I want to learn to be the best "me" that I can be....
Perhaps this was a pointless post, but it was something that really struck me as an important concept, so I decided to share.
I tend to be overly critical of myself. I am one of those people who find flaws in almost everything I do. This year, I want to embrace myself for who I am. I want to appreciate my "vices" such as my obsession with dried fruit and coffee. I want to learn to love the way I view life, I want to appreciate the talents that I have instead of trying to cultivate new ones that aren't necessarily what I am good at. I want to learn to be the best "me" that I can be....
Perhaps this was a pointless post, but it was something that really struck me as an important concept, so I decided to share.
Monday, December 13, 2010
I can't focus on anything else right now, so I figured I would blog.
Over this weekend, I had the opportunity to examine two very important women in my life; two women in whom I put a lot of trust and who I look up to very much. One of these women has told me how important she feels independence is. She said that she is perfectly ok with being alone. She knows her strengths and weaknesses and has come to the place where she doesn't feel the need to rely on anyone...she takes matters into her own hands. The other woman is almost the opposite. She is also strong and has a lot of confidence in her abilities. However, this woman relies heavily on those around her. I don't think this woman exactly relishes the idea of someday being alone, in fact, I think it scares her. She would be willing to do what she had to do, but I don't think she would be ok with it.
Until about 2 months ago, I would have stated, without hesitation, that I was Miss Independent. I am the first to admit my mindset tends towards the side of feminism...I am not hardcore or anything, but I tend to abhor conventionalism. I don't really want to fit into a mold, I like standing out and being my own person. I do enjoy being independent and I like feeling as if I am solely responsible for my decisions. I came to the realization the other day, however, that made me re-evaluate a lot of my past ways of thinking.
I wouldn't mind being able to depend on someone.
I know this may seem like a "Well Duh" moment for some of you, however this was a big thing for me. I realized that I do want the stereotypical "female things." Wife, mother, homemaker, lover, friend for life. All of these things that I have fought for so long now seem much more, well, normal. I still don't think I will ever be the conventional woman that is so desirable, but I think that I have achieved a new level of respect for that woman.
In order to bring it all home, I revert back to my original thought. Do I want to be the woman who is ok with being alone and relies upon herself, or do I want to be the woman who relies almost entirely on those that she loves the most.
Answer: I want to be both.
Over this weekend, I had the opportunity to examine two very important women in my life; two women in whom I put a lot of trust and who I look up to very much. One of these women has told me how important she feels independence is. She said that she is perfectly ok with being alone. She knows her strengths and weaknesses and has come to the place where she doesn't feel the need to rely on anyone...she takes matters into her own hands. The other woman is almost the opposite. She is also strong and has a lot of confidence in her abilities. However, this woman relies heavily on those around her. I don't think this woman exactly relishes the idea of someday being alone, in fact, I think it scares her. She would be willing to do what she had to do, but I don't think she would be ok with it.
Until about 2 months ago, I would have stated, without hesitation, that I was Miss Independent. I am the first to admit my mindset tends towards the side of feminism...I am not hardcore or anything, but I tend to abhor conventionalism. I don't really want to fit into a mold, I like standing out and being my own person. I do enjoy being independent and I like feeling as if I am solely responsible for my decisions. I came to the realization the other day, however, that made me re-evaluate a lot of my past ways of thinking.
I wouldn't mind being able to depend on someone.
I know this may seem like a "Well Duh" moment for some of you, however this was a big thing for me. I realized that I do want the stereotypical "female things." Wife, mother, homemaker, lover, friend for life. All of these things that I have fought for so long now seem much more, well, normal. I still don't think I will ever be the conventional woman that is so desirable, but I think that I have achieved a new level of respect for that woman.
In order to bring it all home, I revert back to my original thought. Do I want to be the woman who is ok with being alone and relies upon herself, or do I want to be the woman who relies almost entirely on those that she loves the most.
Answer: I want to be both.
Monday, December 6, 2010
SQUEALLLLLLL!
Ok, so I feel as if every time I post something it is in a time of extreme emotion. Y'all probably think I am an emotional train wreck. Actually, this is not the case. I am someone who usually bottles my emotions inside. This is my way of letting it all out without actually bombarding those around me with my shenanigans.
Anyways.
I am soo psyched right now. Last week, I was totally stressing about my job, my future, my personage, basically everything. Now, I am starting to see things come together. I know that God has everything under control, and I know this because day by day He reveals His awesome plans to me. Not too much mind you, just enough to make me excited.
I am (probably) getting another job. I still have to go through the logistics, but I think I am gonna get this one! No more retail! No more headaches! New adventures here I come!
In other news, I have re-ignited my love with Coffee Mate coffee creamers *sigh* why did I ever stray?
*Jumps up an down and pumps fists in the air*
YIPPIE!!!!!!!
Anyways.
I am soo psyched right now. Last week, I was totally stressing about my job, my future, my personage, basically everything. Now, I am starting to see things come together. I know that God has everything under control, and I know this because day by day He reveals His awesome plans to me. Not too much mind you, just enough to make me excited.
I am (probably) getting another job. I still have to go through the logistics, but I think I am gonna get this one! No more retail! No more headaches! New adventures here I come!
In other news, I have re-ignited my love with Coffee Mate coffee creamers *sigh* why did I ever stray?
*Jumps up an down and pumps fists in the air*
YIPPIE!!!!!!!
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