Seasons Change

So I think we all know I am not any good at updating this blog-thing, however I have had a lot on my mind ladies and gents and I feel the need to let it all out. Whether or not this is the best forum in which to do so, I am going to unleash anyways.
If you actually read my past 3 (sheepishly ducks head) posts you might have noticed that I was about to embark on a rather large move. This move was not as big as I thought. Yes, I did move halfway across the country, no things did not go as I expected them to go.

Perhaps I should explain something about myself. I am a planner in every sense of the word. This might come from being female, or it might be a by-product of a very non-traditional childhood. Either way, I tend to plan out things to the umpteenth degree. As many of you know, life doesn't always go the way we plan. Things happen, people change, and sometimes it can get a bit messy.  Needless to say, the emotional move was not what I thought it would be. I went through a bit of a dry spell; not a lot happened and I didn't feel like I did very much. I am just now seeing that this wasn't a time of change so much as a time of growth. I think that, over the past 8 months or so, I have learned a whole heck of lot about myself. I know my strengths as well as my weaknesses. I know how to function without the constant influence of parents. I know how to make good and bad decisions. I think that the only way that I could have discovered all of this was by leaving the safety zone.

Ok, all of this background info is leading up to a point I promise...I have recently been faced with a couple of decisions. I have options, which is really interesting because both of these options could really define how the rest of my life goes....not even kidding, this is pretty big. I'm not sure if I want to reveal what these decisions are at this particular moment, maybe I will sometime soon...just not right now. I feel like I am straddling two separate paths. Both of them hold extreme promise as well as a good chance of heartbreak.  One might be a wee bit more safe than the other, but still they both pose some problems.  I know that this may seem silly, but I really am confused about all of this. I revert back to my previous statement about being a planner. I am not fond of having my world shaken to the point of discombobulation.

What I need is a support group where I can actually hash all of this stuff to, until then....the electronic world will have to do.  I suppose I will leave you with these words from Regina Spektor, a brilliant artist who has really been speaking to me lately.


He stumbled into faith and thought
God, there is all there is
The pictures in his mind arose
And began to breathe
And all the gods and all the worlds
Began colliding on a backdrop of blue

Blue lips, blue veins

He took a step but then felt tired
He said I'll rest a little while
But when he tried to walk again
He wasn't a child
And all the people hurried fast, real fast
And no one ever smiled

Blue lips, blue veins
Blue, the color of our planet
From far, far away
Blue lips, blue veins
Blue, the color of our planet
From far, far away

He stumbled into faith and thought
God, there is all there is
The pictures in his mind arose
And began to breathe
And no one saw and no one heard
They just followed the lead
The pictures in his mind arose
And began to breathe

And no one saw
And no one heard they just followed the lead
The pictures in his mind awoke
And began to breed

They started off beneath an olive tree
And they chopped it down to make a picket fence
And marching along the railroad tracks
They smiled real wide for the camera lens
As they made it past the enemy lines
Just to become enslaved in the enemy lines

Blue lips, blue veins
Blue, the color of our planet
From far, far away
Blue lips, blue veins
Blue, the color of our planet
From far, far away

Blue, the most human color [x3]
Blue lips, blue veins